At this time of night I shouldn’t be anything. But sleeping.
Instead I circle around in to the too tired to do any of it and the too tired to admit it place of should be . . .
Should be tidying. Should be planning. Should be list making. Should be tackling a pile.
Children should be counted – two of them in beds, devices captured in the land of our room, lights off. A nightly dance that should be easier. Because it sounds almost the same every night.
I should be able to admit that no, I don’t have 5 minutes of energy left to do anything. Not the emails. Not the laundry stack. Not the swooping through the house turning off lights someone else turned on.
Not this very blog I shouldn’t be writing.
Teeth should be brushed. Book should be found. Small lights on. Bright lights off. Settling should be happening.
I am like a persistent toddler. A stubborn teenager. A lonely puppy. Resisting sleep for no good reason.
I should know better. I am old and sort of wise. But in this overtired state in my over busy world, I am beyond reason and beyond action. Feebly, I protest my inability to be on top of it all by sitting ridiculously unproductive in the middle of it, when really, I should call it. Done for the day.
Should be sleeping. Should know better.
Should be.
I am excited to finally join in the wonderful community hosted by Two Writing Teachers. Read more slices here.
There's a Book for That 
What a GREAT first slice! I think we can all relate to that too tired feeling and you captured all the “shoulds” well! Welcome to the group!
Thank you Erika. I have been reading from afar for too long. Bravely dipping in a toe.
Welcome to the Slice of Life Community!!! This is a great place to be and I’m so glad you’re here! This post of “should be”s is powerful! I love this line, “I am like a persistent toddler. A stubborn teenager. A lonely puppy. Resisting sleep for no good reason.” YES! I’m glad you showed up today and didn’t listen to the “shoulds”!!
Thanks so much for the warm welcome! Glad to finally be here!
You should write when you are tired more often! I love the rhythm of the piece – it had a pace, I could feel you moving without direction and the pull you were feeling between should and shouldn’t. Sleep is important – but sometimes we need to just get those last few things done and we can sleep. Hope you awake well rested!
Clare and Tammy
Many thanks. Not exactly well rested this a.m. but allowing coffee to give me the energy to pretend!
I could feel the tired struggle in your words! “Adulting” is a precarious balance between self-care and taking care of the business at hand. Hope your sleep was deep and restful after this post was done!
So well said. Thank you for the restful wishes.
Welcome my dear friend! This is a special landing place for sure. I’m glad you are here. Man do I know about should bes. It’s called being a teacher and a mother and a wife and a, and a, and a. We need to prioritize and lately as I get older I am realizing that sleep needs to be my priority and I have a love hate relationship with that concept. xo
It kind of feels like cheating when we just give in and sleep doesn’t it? But oh so necessary!
Wow, I can completely relate! But I am so glad you took a few minutes to slice. There is a wonderful rhythm to your words. I wonder if they would have been different if you were completely awake and rested….Hmmmm. (I think this works for you!)
Half asleep writing as a technique – hmmm I should be quite productive then because oh so often I am too tired!
So human. The should be, the tired yet still awake – I am sure many can relate. I can. I am so glad you wrote. I love hearing/ reading your voice.
Thank you Terje. Nice to finally step in to this community.
Welcome, Carrie to slicing, and I love hearing that different side of you, that sleepy side I think. Love the “should be” mantra. Even retired it still keeps me up some nights.
I am sure there is no real escaping it! The pressures of the should get done. Sigh.
Welcome to SOL. I am so used for reading your posts about books; it will be nice to read your slices too. And I can so relate to your first one…as I am sure many us can. I was just listening to something on the radio this morning about emptying our laps of our distractions, to-do lists, and commitments in order for our children to climb up. Even though my kids are too big for my lap, I think this is something we can all listen to.
Yes! The distracted life is really not the best one to have. Why I so appreciate my morning walk. Moving in the noticing world! Thank you for the welcome!
You should… love that repetition. I was right with you as you circled the evening wagons. Wonderful motion here. March is coming… !!!!
Lots of circling, that’s for sure!
Welcome to slicing, Carrie. So glad you’re joining us!
I’ve had some sleep issues lately so this post resonated with me.
Sleep issues are challenging. Sleep is not really my friend lately although I desperately wish it would be!
I felt like I was right beside you, pondering all the shoulds, but no energy to act. Powerful writing! Welcome aboard the Slice of Life train!
Thank you Elsie! This community is so very welcoming.Glad you understand that too tired to even go to bed feeling!
Thanks for sharing this rhythmic rumination. I read a tweet a week ago where the writer recast the idea of balance from striving to do it all in work and play to being comfortable with the impossibility of doing it all. Your writing reminding me of that, too.
Thanks Brian. Balance is always much more tricky than we imagine it to be.
I’ve been a fan of your posts for so long that I was shocked to read that it’s your first time to slice! Welcome, my friend. Loved the pace you made us feel w/ this post from the land of beyond reason and beyond action.
Thank you Ramona. I have been wanting to join this community for a long, long time and finally in maybe the most ridiculous moment, I dove in!
Welcome! Your slice was right on – full of rhythm and possibilities. Glad you decided to ignore the “should be’s” and write! Hope you will the the March SOL challenge – I’d like to read more.
I am going to try. Yikes . . .
Should be… writing! Yes, yes, yes! Welcome to our community of Slicers. You’re going to love it here. Sometimes even though we should be doing other things, writing brings us just the peace we need.
Such a pleasure to be here! Agreed that when words find their place, there is a certain peace.
You were doing exactly what you should have been–writing this slice! So glad to see you slicing! While I do love Top Ten lists on Tuesdays, I feel like I’m growing and reaching as a writer, teacher, thinker, person when I’m slicing instead.
It is so strange that I blog so frequently but never, ever consider myself to be a writer. Trying to shift that and figured that participating in these Slice of Life posts might help. Little brave steps.
So glad you wrote – I love the feel of this piece. But on the other side in life – skip the word should – there should be no should –
Glad you are here with us!
Such a wonderful community. Happy to finally have arrived.
Beautifully crafted…and away with the “shoulds”!
🙂 Oh so true, they pull us down.
Glad you’re here, even if you “shouldn’t” be! (I have always been a night writer too, although having a baby has rather broken me of that habit!) I find that a notepad by the bed, so I can get those insistent ideas down without completely giving in to polishing them, helps me dump out the thoughts so I can go back to sleep without worrying that the inspiration will be gone when I wake up!
I do the same as I walk. As soon as I have a chance to stop, I jot down ideas so I can come back later.
Carrie, I read your blog posts all the time, and I always learn something new! This post resonated with me…there’s always more we “should” be doing, but if we dwell on the “shoulds,” we’ll miss out on the living!
And the sleeping . . . which is kind of necessary for the living! 🙂 Thanks for the lovely comment!
Carrie! Welcome to this amazing Slice of Life Community — and this? For your first slice? Yeah, amazingly accurate of my life too! Should be … just perfect in every way. This makes my heart happy to read more from you … and I’m sure you’ll sprinkle in a little book love and titles too! I can’t wait.
Michelle
Oh yes, there is always book love. Thanks for the very warm welcome!
Beautiful.
Thank you Annette.
After all the Mommy stuff is done (and it Never is!), the one thing you should continue doing (when you have the time and energy) is to keep writing. We’ll all be waiting for more words from you. Welcome!
Many thanks Barbara. I am excited to be a part of this community!
Perfect!
🙂
Fabulous and I can really relate. Sometimes I catch myself up past bedtime for no good reason and wonder if I am grown up yet. 🙂
I am sure I am not grown up yet!